Ain't No Cara Delevingne: No Neanderthal Brows For Me, Thanks.

I know, I know, I know. Bold brows are really in right now. And every beauty brand on the planet is doing brow products - balms, powders, pencils, the whole nine yards.

But like, I fucking hate that shit. The last thing I need is another thing to feel more self conscious about - are my brows too sparce, too thin, are they shaped right for my face? Like, they're eyebrows, man. I don't want to worry about having trendy fucking eyebrows.

But I was, for a hot second. My eyebrows have always been thick, like the rest of the hair on my head is, so I do trim them up a bit just to lift my face up a little and I wax when I need to to get rid of that pointy arch so I don't end up looking like Darren Criss with his triangle brows:

Sidenote, Darren Criss is my long lost twin brother.

So I went to Sephora on one of my lunch breaks (it's across the street from my office, so dangerous) and had my brows done. I bought those Anastasia Beverly Hills Stencils to try and help me shape at home. And I had one of the girls show me how to use a brow pencil.

The image at the top is my natural brow on one side, penciled in brow on the other. Here's another shot:

You can probably tell, I don't look too thrilled. She was trying to convince me that they frame the face, look how good I look, the brows are the first thing people notice, blah blah blah basically trying to sell me shit. She told me to take a picture to see it from someone elses perspective. But I'm so not convinced.

Then she did both...

I mean, who is this person???!!

I think they weigh my face down when they're like that...I mean, they're thick enough as they are. They don't need to be filled in. And I have small eyes on top of that, so any added crap on my head makes it look like my eyes are being swallowed by black beast brows over top. They're eating my face, and I think I look like a neanderthal. I hated it so much that I wiped them off as soon as I got back to the office. Seriously, seriously awful.

So okay, fill in your brows if you want to. Get your Cara Delevingne brows, frame your face, whatever. But keep me the hell out of it. I'd rather not look like I'm about to smack you over the head with a club and drag you back to my cave, even if my caveman loincloth is Dior.

Evil Queen Style Tip #4: Monster Guiseppe Heel, That's the Monster Shoe (This is a Shoespiration Post)

Evil Queen Style Tip #4: Monster Guiseppe heel, that's the monster shoe. @NICKIMINAJ @GZanottiDesign #styletip #evilqueen #fashion
— Christina Orlando (@christinaostyle) December 1, 2013

Guiseppe Zanotti


McQueen SS10


McQueen FW11


Iris Van Herpen FW14


Rodarte x Louboutin fw08


Aoi Kotsuhiroi

Louboutin


YSL


Valentino


Frankie Morello

MAC x Osbournes: Bloody Brilliant Eyeshadow Quad

I haven't really been this excited about a makeup collaboration in a while, actually. When it was first announced that MAC was gonna be working with Sharon and Kelly Osbourne, I was immediately scouring the internet for swatches and hints of what the products might be. Needless to say, I was not disappointed.

Kelly has really stepped up her style game in recent years and is sporting some dope ass lavender hair of which I am thoroughly jealous. She's always been punky and fearless with her style, and her MAC collection is just that - full of bright purples, pinks, and oranges that are made for standing out from the crowd. And when I buy makeup, that's what I want. Fuck yo' neutrals, ya know? Purples kinda are my neutrals now.

I actually only ended up getting the Bloody Brilliant Eyeshadow Quad from her collection cuz the rest was sold out, but I'm really loving it.  Four shades are really all you need to create both daytime and nighttime looks.

From bottom: Spoonful of Sugar, Tickety Boo, Fizzy Rose, Shadowy Lady

Spoonful of Sugar is a really lovely shimmery champagne color thats perfect for highlighting under your brows or in the corners of your eyes. Tickety Boo is a great neutral base, and Fizzy Rose is a beautiful lavender that works well as an unexpected all over color or a base. Shadowy Lady might me my favorite of the pack - it's a dark purple that makes for a great smokey eye. I'm loving it for nighttime going out looks, and it's a great alternative to your blacks or greys.

Overall, I'm really pleased with this quad. The color payoff is amazing even without a primer, and it's extremely versatile if you're willing to step away from your Naked 3 palette for a while and get into some color.

Great job, Kelly. I am jealous of everything you chose to be.

Evil Queen Book Club: Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire

Wicked is one of my favorite novels of all time. It's expertly written with dramatic prose, well fleshed-out characters, and a beautiful weaving story. It's intelligent, and is the perfect balance between realism and fantasy.

Wicked tells the story of the character we know as The Wicked Witch of the West, from the classic Wizard of Oz story. Here, she is re-imagined as Elphaba (the name comes from the original author's name, L. Frank Baum) - the green girl born to Munchkinlander parents. At university she meets Glinda (then Galinda, eventual Good Witch of the North) and the two become friends. At school, Elphaba also meets the influential Dr. Dillamond - a talking goat who is conducting scientific research that the Wizard of Oz doesn't want to get out. The murder of Dr. Dillamond leads Elphaba on a crusade against the Wizard and his injustices against Oz and it's inhabitants.

For me, what makes this book is Elphaba as a character - she is intelligent, strong-willed, and fights for what she believes in no matter how that alienates her from her friends and from society. She does not let the color of her skin define her (and there is a lot of prejudice against her because of her green-ness), and grows into a smart and able woman. Elphaba's sass and wit is evident throughout the novel, and she makes a strong case for the term "Wicked" being applied to someone who is just simply different and refuses to fit in. I think we can learn a lot of lessons from her.

I also really love that this book isn't a fantasy the same way the original story is. Of course, the original story is meant for children and Wicked is definitely an adult novel, but Maguire does a superb job of making Oz seem so real and accessible - everything from descriptions of it's landscape and it's people to the truthfulness of how the Emerald City operates (it's neglect of the poor and needy, the gaudiness simply to please an inept ruler, the inner workings of elite society). Oz no longer seems the technicolor dream of Judy Garland's film, but instead a gritty, corrupt country with problems that reflect real life.

Discussion Questions:

1) What did you like about this book, what did you dislike? What do you think are the major differences between Wicked and the original Wizard of Oz story? For those of you who are fans of the musical version of Wicked, what are the major differences you see there? How do you think the similarities/differences effect the story and your impressions of it?

2) How do you think Elphaba and Glinda (and the other women of this novel) stand as strong female characters? What makes them interesting or likable? What makes them unlikable? What do you think are their strongest qualities?

3) What do you think this novel has to say about those who are different in society? How do you think the characters are marginalized, and how do they deal with prejudices against them?

4) What do you think makes Elphaba "wicked"? What do you think this novel has to say about the nature of wickedness, or it's perception?

5) What other classic stories would you like to see re-imagined in the same way, with more background, etc? What other classic villains would you like to learn more about?

The Best Part of Waking Up: Soap & Glory's Smoothie Star Breakfast Scrub

I really love exfoliators, and I will tell you why. I have super dry and itchy skin, and it's vital for me to scrub off dry flaky skin cells so that I have super smooth skin. And granted I probably don't exfoliate as often as I should because I get lazy, but when I do, I see a really huge difference not only in how smooth my skin is, but in how itchy it is also.

Now that it's summer and everyone's got their skirts and shorts on, I'm noticing how years of scratching at my dry skin has effected me. My legs in particular have dark scars from constant scratching and my skin breaks very easily so I bleed and have scabs and bruises quite frequently. It's really bad and it makes me feel very self conscious about my skin, to the point of not wanting to wear shorts in the summertime. And I've tried all sorts of lotions and creams and such and nothing really makes the itching stop, just maybe prevents it for a few hours at most. So I have to be super diligent about taking care of my skin.

In an effort to do this, I've started using Jane Park's Shower Method. Jane Park is the CEO of Julep, and basically her theory is this: exfoliate away first, then cleanse - this way you're cleansing the new layer of skin cells rather than dead ones, and the moisture from your body wash will get into your skin more easily. So far, it's definitely making a difference.

But of course, the exfoliating is crucial. So I've started using Soap & Glory's Smoothie Star Breakfast Scrub.

Okay so I wanna start off by saying this shit smells amazeballs. It's like...brown sugar oatmeal goodness. It does smell like something you could eat (but don't, cuz that's gross). And it feels like rubbing brown sugar on your skin too. Unlike Soap & Glory's Flake Away, it's a much thicker exfoliator so you really get a good scrub, which is what I need. I like a really hardcore exfoliator that really scrubs off all that dead, dry skin. And I love Soap & Glory's products - they always smell amazing, and they definitely work. So exfoliate, cleanse, and then rub your skin down with Soap & Glory's The Righteous Butter in that 3-minute window after you shower to lock in moisture and get the ultimate smooth, silky skin.

Works like a charm.

4 for you, UNIQLO

I will never need another tshirt again.

I don't know if y'all have heard of Uniqlo - it's a Japanese brand that's expanding in the US like wildfire - seriously, they're gonna be everywhere soon. Their main thing is boss basics and easy everyday clothes, but they've been doing a lot of really cool collaborations lately with the MoMA (Museum of Modern Art here in New York), Pharrell Williams and his i am Other campaign, Disney, and designers like Jonathan Adler and Ines de la Fressange.

So I went and picked up a ton of tshirts, because I really have trouble with tops that aren't tshirts, so I wear them with everything. I'm all about tees with ladylike skirts for summer. Great thing is, these tees from Uniqlo are super comfy and easy to style. You'll notice I cut the necks off some of them - I fully encourage DIYing tshirts and making them your own. And these tshirts are made to be lived in (boyfriend is wearing his Star Wars UT like every day and its still the softest shirt he owns). But anyway, I'm really pleased with these. 4 for you, Uniqlo. 4 for you.

from top right: Jack Pierson tank, Andy Warhol tshirt, Andy Warhol tshirt, Pharrell Williams i am Other tshirt, SPRZ NY tshirt, Jean-Michel Basquiat tshirt

featuring Uniqlo UTs, Uniqlo Ultra Stretch Jeans, Superga sneakers

photos by J. Saldana

Do Ya Blowout

I don't know about you, but I still find it really difficult to get the perfect blowout at home. I always feel really great after going to the salon, and a salon blowout will usually last me about two days. But I have short hair, I can't manage to do it as good as a stylist can. So I need some product help.

Obviously starting off with a great wash is the best way to get great hair. I've been using Redken's Color Extend Magnetics shampoo and conditioner to protect my color, and I love it. I also try to do a treatment once in a while (try Lush's Jasmine & Henna Fluff Eaze ) to keep my hair smooth and well hydrated. This is especially important if you're using a lot of heat with your hair. I blowout and flat iron, so I have to be really careful. My hair is also naturally very frizzy and poofy, so a smoothing treatment helps keep it under control.

Before blowing out, I'm using Redken's Pillow Proof Blow Dry Express Primer to keep my hair smooth and protected while I blowdry, but this also helps speed up the process. I have thick hair and it takes a long time to dry, so I don't want to be sitting here for a half hour just working on my blowdry. Ain't nobody got time for that.

After my blowdry, I flat iron to perfection (read: till it's bone straight) and spray with Redken's Pillow Proof Blow Dry Two Day Extender & Oil Obsorbing Dry Shampoo. Now, I am not a dry shampoo girl. Usually they're too heavy and make my hair really sticky and gross. But this one is nice and light, and if it keeps my hair nice overnight so that I don't have to do anything when I wake my ass up at 6am for work, I am all about that.

The Redken products are a good alternative to Bumble and bumble's Straight Blow Dry cream which I also really love, but is a little more expensive. I've been using this system regularly and I've never been so happy with my blowout.

What products give you the best blowout! Tell me in the comments below!