Ain't No Cara Delevingne: No Neanderthal Brows For Me, Thanks.

I know, I know, I know. Bold brows are really in right now. And every beauty brand on the planet is doing brow products - balms, powders, pencils, the whole nine yards.

But like, I fucking hate that shit. The last thing I need is another thing to feel more self conscious about - are my brows too sparce, too thin, are they shaped right for my face? Like, they're eyebrows, man. I don't want to worry about having trendy fucking eyebrows.

But I was, for a hot second. My eyebrows have always been thick, like the rest of the hair on my head is, so I do trim them up a bit just to lift my face up a little and I wax when I need to to get rid of that pointy arch so I don't end up looking like Darren Criss with his triangle brows:

Sidenote, Darren Criss is my long lost twin brother.

So I went to Sephora on one of my lunch breaks (it's across the street from my office, so dangerous) and had my brows done. I bought those Anastasia Beverly Hills Stencils to try and help me shape at home. And I had one of the girls show me how to use a brow pencil.

The image at the top is my natural brow on one side, penciled in brow on the other. Here's another shot:

You can probably tell, I don't look too thrilled. She was trying to convince me that they frame the face, look how good I look, the brows are the first thing people notice, blah blah blah basically trying to sell me shit. She told me to take a picture to see it from someone elses perspective. But I'm so not convinced.

Then she did both...

I mean, who is this person???!!

I think they weigh my face down when they're like that...I mean, they're thick enough as they are. They don't need to be filled in. And I have small eyes on top of that, so any added crap on my head makes it look like my eyes are being swallowed by black beast brows over top. They're eating my face, and I think I look like a neanderthal. I hated it so much that I wiped them off as soon as I got back to the office. Seriously, seriously awful.

So okay, fill in your brows if you want to. Get your Cara Delevingne brows, frame your face, whatever. But keep me the hell out of it. I'd rather not look like I'm about to smack you over the head with a club and drag you back to my cave, even if my caveman loincloth is Dior.